Somewhere to Start

This is day one! Before you read anything on this blog, you should know I am NOT a nice guy! I have an addiction which I did not want to admit for the longest time. I am addicted to getting online and trying to talk to anyone at all in a sexual manner. It is an obsession which was started in college through IRC chat rooms and has been an ever present part of my life ever since. I have gotten married and had kids and yet nothing stops me from going right back to it. I even was arrested and sent to jail for talking with underage females and trying to meet them. I am NOT a nice guy!

Still, I believe that I should be able to have a brighter future. I believe that I should be able to live a life without this addiction, but like any junkie, it will not be easy. I will have to fight tooth and nail and be brutally honest with myself and others. I will not be trusted and I will be hated. I have earned this and I am not looking for sympathy. All I am looking for is for people to listen to my sad story as I spell it out for you on these pages. I will not blame you for hating me or even never returning.

This is day one! I have decided that I am going to confront my addiction head on. I am no longer going to be my own worst enemy. I may have lost my wife forever, but I hope there is still a chance I can be a father. I can only do what is right and hope for the best. I will read books about addiction and conquering it. I will talk with specialists and get the help I need. I will do whatever it takes so that I can fight this demon and win!

I am thankful to anyone who might be reading this. I will remind you whenever you feel like you want to root for me, that I am NOT a nice guy. I do not deserve to get any cheers. Instead, cheer for my wife who dealt with my addiction for YEARS before finally giving up. Cheer for my son who has been through an emotional roller coaster that no child should ever go through. Cheer for my daughter who is so loving and kind that it breaks my heart to think of a life without her in it. They deserve your warmth and your praise for they are saints and I will conquer this addiction for them. Even if I can never see them again in my life, I do it for them. This is the first day of my journey. This is day one!